I have 3 weeks left until I leave my home for Mob Station.
I had a talk with a girl whom went to the same deployment location last year. I was talking about stuff I was packing and she said she had wished she had an item I was still planning on throwing in my carry on. I asked her to clearify because I was told they have a HUGE PX there. Well she said she is frugel and the stuff there was over-priced. Her Secret deoderant was $1.50 more than it was at home. She said that IF you printed off the price at Wal-Mart they would price match BUT still. It would be a pain to go write down the size of every product they carry that you use, so before you go buy your shampoo and deoderant, toothbrush etc you can go and print out an ad from a national chain so you can price match EVERY item EVERY time.
So I went through my stock pile and packed more, orginally I packed enough toothpaste, toothbrushes, and Pads to last overseas.
Well I added Mouthwash, Lotion, Shampoo, Shaving Gel, Conditioner, Johnson's Buddies Bar Soap, and Hair Ties. I packed the stuff I already had in my stockpile at home, no additional shopping. During the next 3 weeks my plan is to use up all the little samples I have in my house in an attempt to downsize the stockpile clutter some more.
Once I get home then I will work on building my stockpile back up, in an orderly way. I want to have atleast one spare but I would like to figure out a way to make it easy to find what I am looking for. Maybe plastic Shoe Pouch hanging on the back of the bathroom door. See my shelves are so deep that stuff is hard to find at times even if it is in bins.
To Do List:
I need to call a glass repairman and get my broken window fixed. It is starting to get cold in the evenings.
I also need to call the furnace people, I think the overflow container on my AC is full and causing the water to come out the bottom instead of through the pipes.
I also need to call my sprinkler guy and have him repair the broken sprinkler line where BF broke it with the post hole auger. I also want him to adjust a head that due to dirt moving on a slope (or possibly a gopher) it is no longer flush with the ground it is sticking up in the air.
Then I need to take my car in and have it get an oil change, have the light socket on the rear marker light replaced, Have the ABS break light checked out and get a second set of keys and a new remote car starter FOB.
I also need to follow up again with my former childcare provider for a refund. They charged me $55 in activities fees for 2011-2012 school year even though they said they were not going to let my child ride. They also pulled my September payment out $165 last MAY. They pre-pay ;I really think the Pay for September in May thing is dumb but I suppose it is their way of locking in clients. BUT if they are going to drop clients they need to be prepared to refund the money. I have a feeling I am going to have to prove the overcharge.
I need to transfer some money into my checkbook...I want to have my emergency fund in my checking account incase something happens and my pay is disrupted. I can transfer the money back after my deployment. BUT I doubt I will, the money has two purposes. 1 the money is there in case of paycheck being disrupted, and 2 it is there so I can live off of that and put the money deposited into my account into SDP. I wonder how much of a allowance I should give myself. I know there are things I will want to buy or need to buy because I spaced them off, but I am not sure how much to put into my account for that.
Viewing the 'About Me' Category
I have 3 weeks left until I leave my home for Mob Station.
I asked Bf when he was planning on paying the water bill due on the first and he had totally spaced it.
So tonight he filled out the bills and the forms for bill pay for water/garbage and for autopay and balanced billing on the Elec/Gas.
So now it is a done deal....No worries. The Cable bill is paid in advance so when he gets the first bill it will be for two months...Besides that it is in his name already and It is not a "Bad Bill" because if he does not pay then it does not fall back on me, it is sent to collections in his name only.
I think the problem with the bills is he has all his other bills auto withdrawn so he just is not used to actually mailing in bills.
Now that we set up the bills I feel so much better, I no longer feel like a sugar mama...Once I get back from deployment I am planning on having him install the landline phone back....Since it is a non-mortgage/House insurance bill I will have him pick up the tab for it and then we can be content with his household expenses contributions. Basically I will be covering $980 per month and he will be covering $300-350.
A room in town rents for $350, so that is not a bad deal for him and since I am the one that benefits from the homeownership, having him pick up the utilites is cool for me.
My BF was injured at work a while back, then when he was physically able to return to work his boss had gaven BF's job to the bosses nephew. So basically he was getting back on his feet when we met. So now after all this time he is finally got an Emergency Fund. So now that the bills are finally locked in...I am not upset it took so long. I am glad he has an emergency fund, so no harm no foul.
Last week I had drill, it was crazy long.
Monday got up at 5:30am we got to bed at 3:30am the following morning.
Tuesday up at 6:30am we got home at 6pm. I had stuff to get done so bed at 10pm.
Wednesday up at 5:30am we got home at 10:30pm.
Thursday up at 5:30 dismissed at 6:30pm.
Friday up at 5:30 dismissed at 6:00pm.
Saturday worked 9am-11am.
There were issues with food and scheduling so on top of lack of sleep I was also very hungry Monday and Tuesday.
But while on vacation I got my two doctor appointments done. My glasses came in last week but due to the hours I worked I could not pick them up. I will be picking them up tonight.
I have to repack a few bags since I took stuff out to sew. I need to find my matching padlocks then I plan to bring it in to work.
I was suppose to be all packed Friday but then they gave us full-timers an excuse since we will actually need our stuff between now and when we leave where as the other will not need them.
I got the utilites switched over to my BF's name. He will be paying the utilities while I am gone. The first bill is due on the 31 (city water) and he has yet to pay it. I just printed off the auto bill pay forms from the website so he can set up autopay out of his checking if he wants.
I am a bit concerned, IF he does not pay then the utilities will get turned off. Kinda hard to live with turned off utilities. In my state IF the renter does not pay the landlord is responsible BUT I will not be around to pay them so if he does not pay them then the company can just turn them off until he remembers to pay. I guess the fact that he is waiting this close to the bill being due to pay it bothers me. I like to pay a bill that I do not have on autopay right away or go online and schedule a payment as soon as I get a bill so I do not forget.
When we had talked in the past he came off as liking timely bills, but now that we are at that point I am not seeing it. In fact I am seeing the opposite.
He himmed and hawed about rent. First it was he had to finish off the Student loan that went to collections while he was on workers comp then unemployed (had 5 payments of 25% of his take home). Then he could not get out of his contract with his landlord (landlord did not want to relist it)...Not sure if I believe that because there is a housing shortage in town. BUT maybe he did not want to bother to follow up to prove the landlord rerented the apartment, and take him to small claims court.
Anyway, months went by and May became June (oops 5 payments not 4 to SL) and then June became July. Well now it is August and He has YET to pay me the $525 (his old rent amount) but now says $600 (half bills) per month he was going to pay for rent.
It is August and I said I would prefer him to pay the utilities and then him put the difference into a savings account so that if repairs come up he has the funds and then when I get home the leftover can be used to pay for some of the house repair projects we have planned (Deck, Patio, Shed).
I don't want to have to deal with odd deductions for utilities out of my checking account while I am deployed and I don't want to have to figure out how to handle him paying rent then paying him back if he has to repairs etc.
He says the Cable company double billed him and so he told them to eat the bill...Instead of working through it. Well it went to collections and he had to pay off that bill before they would allow him to take over responsibilty of the account.
When we called the ELEC/GAS company he also had an outstanding bill for his appartment. Since it was less that $20 they just added it to the new bill. It was $10 plus $0.11 late fee.
When we called the water bill people there was no issue , and that he can pull his name off the bill at any time. Yep, except for him needing water there is no incentive for him to actually pay the bill.
Not sure what to do...I feel like a Sugar Mama again. I realize there is not much extra cost with him living here (a bit more AC and a bit more Water) and he was picking up the tab for the majority of the groceries but why tell me he is going to pay rent if he does not want to.
I need to call the AC people and have them look at my furnance, I think the overflow container is full.
I also need to make an appointment to have a broken window fixed.
I also need to call my sprinkler guy. BF installed a fence and three posts from the end (Middle of yard) he punctured the sprinkler line. He went to Menards and Lowes to look for a repair kit and could not find one and has yet to go to a hardware store. So I think I am just going to call the sprinkler guy and pay to have him do the repair.
The fence is not done, it is functional but it needs a bit of fine touches...He was planning on putting a top around it. And some area where the panels did not meet filler boards need to be added I guess if necessary if he never gets to it I could just cut down the posts and put caps on them and be done. He spent $1000 on matterials.
Yes that was nice, we have a nice almost functional fence (need to figure out a lock for the gate (keeps openning unless you put lots of heavy rocks on the one side). Also there is only a gate on one side the other is not done yet.
We needed a fence for his dog. It was not an expense I NEEDED so I don't feel like the fence makes up for not following through on the rent promise. Also he said he was going to get a special door that attaches to the sliding glass door so that his dog could come and go as she pleased. I am certain he said he ordered it, well it did not come with the fence matterial and then he said he had to order it....Still not here so I am guessing he never ordered it.
I think it started Monday, but my computer was acting REALLY REALLY slow.
It could have been internet explorer 10 which once I installed half my internet add ons did not support. (Could not print coupons, could not use my SwagBucks tool bar and more).
It could have been that my computer needed to be defraged.
It could have been a virus my anti-virus did not find.
Anyway, I started by removing the internet explorer 10 update. That helped a bit, but my coupons printer was still not seeing the the program. And my swagbucks toolbar seemed to showup about 50% of the time I would pull internet up.
So I decided to try a retrieval from a backup BEFORE the IE10 update. I went back and that DID NOT help. Actually that made it slow down BIG TIME. (AT this point I probubly needed to refrag).
Well instead I tried to wipe my computer, and use my 3 reboot DVD's. For some reason it did not go through 100%. So it partially rebooted BUT once I started trying to use it I would get the black screen of death.
Last NIGHT my friend came over and he wiped the hard drive again and used the reboot CD's and now it is working again. I need to remove some of the unwanted extra programs the computer companys always put on the computer, install my printer then do a defrag and disk cleanup and I should be good to go.
Right now it is operating fast and I am happy with it. Yesterday I was to the point of pricing out laptops. Funny how Computers are so essential.
I will be buying my buddy a case of beer when we get to camp next week (YES he is OVER 21). While I was waiting for my buddy to come over and see if he could figure out what was up, I cleaned the livingroom. I also sweept the upstairs and mopped.
It is amazing how much you can get done, when you CANT use your computer.
The only downside, I downloaded Amazons ebook reader to my computer and about 80 FREE ebooks. I need to figure out how to get my books reinstalled once I reinstall the reader. I plan to buy a KINDLE for my deployment so I have been slowly downloading FREE ebooks so I can just take them from my computer to the kindle as I want to read them. I realized that the ereader app for the computer is one of those that is not so user friendly. I would have LOVED to have those files somewhere in my documents section so my external hard-drive would have saved them when I do a hard drive backup....But nope they are on the desktop or cleverly hidden and my external hard drive does not save desktop items (most are just shortcuts anyway).
Let me explain....Lately I have been really second guessing myself. Can I really keep this up to another 13 years.
If not I better make changes. Currently I am investing the MAX into my retirement. Because I do this it results in an earned income credit of $2640 more than I would get if I didn't save any in pre-tax dollars. This is basically 16.50% return on the deposit BUT I can't touch it until I am 65 years old.
I wonder is that 16.5% or $2,640 worth it, or should I start funding my Roth IRA and investing in the stock market then when I make a career change I can slowly sell my stock and use it to make my mortgage payments.
I guess option 2 is to instead of putting money into the Retirement account put that amount into my mortgage and then refinance/downsize when I make the change. But will I be refinancing with a higher interest rate? Applying 16,500 a year would take 8 years to pay off my mortgage. If I made it 8 more years in this job I would be crazy to quit.
Truthfully I have been unsatisified with my work life for about 2 years but I have been hanging in because I did not see any other choice. If I change jobs unless I downsize I will be house poor.
I wish I had been able to sell my house when I got divorced because then I would have had a smaller mortgage and would feel like I could make a change. Right now if you figure reducing my income by that 16,500 per year I need a job that makes 36K a year or approx $16 an hour, just to keep maintaining without any retirement savings.
I need a personal cheerleader, the reward is AWESOME if I can hold out in this job another 13 years. The reward is good if I can hold out in this job part time for another 9.5 years.
I am just getting burnt out, I am tired of working 40 hours a weeks plus having to work one weekend which means once a month I have a 12 day streatch without a day off. Once a year I have to leave my son with family for two weeks minimum. Next year I will gone from home for a whole year. I will make approxmately $500 more per month BUT my bills because of this go up MORE than $500 per month.
Last year I signed a 6 year extension but truthfully I am starting to think I should request a hardship discharge. The 6 year extension does not mean I could not switch to part-time, which would be alot easier. I could also go part-time then IF my part-time does not work with my new job request ING then possibly Discharge based on employment conflict.
Everytime I leave for Annual Training, for Job Training, Flood Duty it is getting harder and harder mentally on my son.
I need to start planning short term instead of long term because I don't know how much longer until I burn out. I guess another problem is I am tired of fighting the weight battle. I am allowed to weigh 149 pounds or % body fat. At 149 pounds I wear a size 7/8. My body naturally falls at 165 so the % body fat option has been my option for YEARS. Right now I need to drop weight to get down to my % body percentage. Some times I just wish I could eat what I want and exercise because I enjoy it instead of doing it because someone is going to be putting a tape measure to my body or counting my reps or timing me and judging me.
On Friday as I was driving home I saw something that made me think.
I have been thinking about the purchase of an SUV. Of course I will not be purchasing it until I get home from deployment BUT I have been thinking about how I would do it.
I don't want to dip into my EF, So depending on how much extra money I have after deployment would depend on how I paid for the SUV.
I am thinking of a NEW SUV and the three I am most interested in are 22K-24K in price. I was thinking about a loan, I hate loans and like to pay them off early. I figured a loan this size would be $450-$500 a month. I was thinking of doing a loan because I do not want to use my EF, I would rather get a loan then just pay it off early. Instead of paying for it out of savings then if something comes up Wish I had gone with the loan.
Right now I only have 1k in my car repair or replacement account BUT I have a feeling this money is going to be moved into the Child Support Checkbook. So I will have no money for a new car.
So back to the drive home from work on Friday. In front of me is a SUV it is a 2003 SUV with 79,000 miles and it is for sale by owner I can't remember if it was $5,800 or $8,500. But both prices are less than the 22K-24K I was pondering. Now this SUV was not the make and model I was thinking of.
But maybe just maybe when I get home I might consider going used SUV in one of the makes and models I wanted. It would be much cheaper.
I really would like to buy a NEW SUV, because I bought my last car NEW and then drove it 12 years. The only reason I am getting a new vehicle is because I need better ground clearance because of where my house is located. So in my mind I am thinking new SUV at 22-24K driven for 12 years is 2k a year or about $165 per month. My current car was 13k lasted 12 years so an average monthly cost of $90. When I purchased my current car I was making an average of 12K a year, my current income is 56K. So in my mind the increase in average monthly payments seems in line.
Hopefully when the time comes to buy a new vehicle there will be a USED SUV in my prefered make and model so that I go that route. I hate spending money, so that will help in the battle of USED VS NEW. But I also like knowing that the vehicle has been properly cared for from day one....New wins out.
Today I am sad, I can't seem to stop crying.
I want to buy DS a Nentendo Wii Game to stick in his Easter Basket. Amazon had a special that if you ordered the game you got $1o amazon credit. But I waited too long and they switched it to $30 credit if you traded in the game.
Anyway I think I will just downsize and purchase the sticker book DS also wants for his Easter basket and call it good. I need to watch my pennies and spending $50 on a Video Game for Easter is not going to happen this year.
I was on my way to work this morning and drove by the other work location. Every year they have a Halloween Event for the Children of the fulltimers (AGR, Tech, and ADSW/ADOS/whatever term they are using currently AND Deployed). Well In 2005 I was ADSW, 2006 to present I am AGR, so DS has gone every year since he was 2. As part of the event one or two of the Photographers take pictures of the children in their costumes. I have ALL these photos of DS.
I really hope someone takes him this year as this year I fall under the Deployed category. One of my favorite things about Halloween is this photo. I am sad because I will not be here to take him. Yes, October is a long way away and I am not really sure why I am thinking of it.
My Sons Teacher wants to put together a calender and asked for photos. I guess that is the reason, besides his school photos, this it the ONE photo that gets taken every year.
Halloween of course has me thinking of Christmas, I can dig out the Santa Claus Christmas paper and dig out his stocking and stuff it and then put the two in a box for my Cousin so she can say "Look what we found at our house this year", if Michael is not staying there this year. The only issue is figuring out what to buy to stuff the stocking since I will have to this finished 3 months in advance.
I also should buy his Christmas Presents before I leave and give then to my cousin, so she can give them to him. Based on the time line I do not think I will have time to buy and ship gifts once I leave for Mob station. Also I am told the internet is not really secure where we are going so if we need to check our checking accounts and that kind of thing the best thing to do is go to the office after hours and use the network computers. So online shopping is really out of the question.
I am not really suppose to do any shopping until I reach my Pre-Deployment Goals But is so hard not to want to get it done now, while it is still fresh in my mind.
So last night I realized I needed to start the look out for new running shoes as they no longer make the style number I have. Mine are old and when I run in them my arches start to ache within like 3 minutes.
I have been putting this off for a while. I went online and checked about five different sites. They all had the shoes listed for $84.99. But then I checked kohl's. The good news was I got Free shipping and there was a coupon code online for 30% off. Plus Kohl's sale price was $5 cheaper. So I saved $30 a pair. Yes, I bought two pairs because after taxes and everything they were $55 each. Which was too much of a deal to pass up.
Yes, you are might be thinking what is she thinking, buying two pairs of shoes instead of just one. Well the reason for it is....I need one pair now. And if I doing my math right this pair will wear out about half way through my deployment. I am worried that I will either break, lose, or have this one pair stolen and so I want a spare pair at home. I also have never shopped online and dealt with APO shipping so I figured it would be easier to buy them now and then if I need them before I come home for R&R then I can have BF ship them, instead of possibly having to pay jacked up prices because of the possibility of the cheapest provider not being APO friendly.
I talked to BF again about the fact I am broke. He let me cry and told me he understands and has been in my shoes and it is just going to take time to get back on our feet. He gave no ideas, no oh honey but I am going to pay the water bill, nope just yak yak yak about how it will all work out it time, it is just not been very long since my divorce and I just need to relax and let things settle into a pattern.
I knew I needed gas in my car, I need to pay my son's $24 dental bill and my water/waste bill is coming due soon. So this morning I took the gas that I purchased for the snowblower that does not use a oil mix and put it in my car. When I started the car it was nearly on E, oops thought I had a bit more. I now have almost a half tank of gas. I don't know if we will need to use the snowblower again or if it is just going to be shovel weather, and the tank is also the mower one (the grass is still covered in snow so don't need the gas for that yet, so I figured I would use it up).
I know when BF and I sorta talked about him moving in (did not talk about exact finances) anyway he said he would not stand for 2 Rosters in the hen house. Meaning EX could not stay there if he was. Well I am planning to tell him that I NEED to let the parasite live there while I am deployed because I can't afford the financial ramifications if he does not. I hope BF can deal with that. I know it will not be ideal BUT what does he expect for $225 a month rent (which he has not started paying). Yes, it will be ackward for everyone at first, but either everyone will get used to it or I guess BF will move out once he has saved enough money from leaving in my home to either rent an house that will allow a dog or have saved up for a down payment.
I think BF is a good guy, and I would hope he would be able to deal with the situation but in the end.
Not having my Ex live in the house while I am deployed will cost me.
$319.90 Child Support I am paid
$717 Child Support I would have to pay
Child Deduction 2012 taxes
Head of Household 2012 taxes
20% co pay of medical insurance instead of Full coverage
$250 Seperation Pay per month
Yep sure adds up fast.
I feel bad that BF is going to have to put up with my EX living in the basement in one of the spare bedrooms but I can't justify the financial losses.
Well I guess BF's apartment manager called him yesterday and told him he was SOL, that they were not going to do anything about helping him terminate his lease he just has to keep paying rent. WTH??? What IF he could not afford to pay his rent would they then do something?
BF would have gave them 45 days notice IF they had returned his numerous calls, he ended up giving them 30 days written notice with this months rent. Now 11 days before the end of the month they tell him nope, nad, too hard to find renters in the winter. Really, he could have started to locate a sub-leaser or renter to take over his lease 45 days ago if he would have know that.
I am a little upset because that $450 per month for the next 5 months is $2000. He signed a 9 month lease. I did not expect for him to get out scott free (truthfully I was expecting a lease termination fee/fine, and at a minimum 30 days rent and possibly rent until it fills and possibly deposit loss) but I did not expect for him to be completely shot down with no options.
I went to my states government website under the housing section and they had a tenants rights flyer, the flyer has a Legal Assistance Number on it and also a Fair Housing number and Depatment of Labor telephone number. I am hoping they can offer some help. See when BF was staying at the apartment the landlord/apartment manager came very close to breaking some laws many times. So if necessary I guess BF might have to play hardball.
An example is Snow removal is under the landlord responsibilies and BF told him many times that the front steps were icy and asked when the snow would be removed from the parking lot, The apartment manager ignored the ice comment and told BF he needs to make sure to get every speck of snow off his shoes when he enters the apartment building and that there is a snowblower over in the shed....Really you are going to have a tenent use a power tool they are not familiar with, also what if said tenant can't operate that power tool because it is HEAVY??? There are more examples but that sticks out in my mind.
I love having my BF living with me, I just wish that he could help with added household expenses. BF will not be able to do that until this lease mess gets ironed out. The sad part is I am starting to feel a bit taken advantage of (kinda like when my EX-Husband was not working), so I want this mess settled soon.
I know someone who might be willing to take over the lease BUT they don't need a place until right before the lease ends, and I don't want to put them into a place with an unethical borderline lawbreaking landlord/manager.
On Wednesday, I noticed that I was able to pull my hair back into a bun. Yes there was a bit more of that loose hair down my neck than I would have liked (just a half inch too short to get into the pony tail).
Well I pulled it back and hairsprayed the heck out of it to get it to stay in place without getting a bunch of flyaways. One thing I noticed was that there was not much left in the can. This weekend I am going to have to dig through my supplies and see if I can find my hair gel, booby pins, barrettes and hair ties.
Once My hair grows another 3 inches or so I will not have to use hair product on it to get to stay in place except for days when I know I will be wearing headgear alot and taking headgear off and on repeatedly.
Right now my hair is pulled back. :0) it is messier than I like but I dont have any gel or a comb to redo it. Not sure why but I love having my hair pulled back and out of my face.
I cut my hair because my EX-Husband who was not my EX at the time always complained about my long hair. So today (day two of pulled back hair) I feel like my old self. :0)
I have a problem, I make a plan then I change my mind. First I might decide to pay extra on my mortgage but then I start playing it over and over in my head and I think I should save a years worth of mortgage payments into saving FIRST before doing that.
How do you keep with your savings goals without getting side tracked and rethinking your plan.
The only debt I have is my mortgage. So I am causing myself mental STRESS over what to assign my extra money each month into.
If all the debt you had was your mortgage and you had a pretty secure job, what would you do? How do you figure out when to start paying extra on your mortgage?
My irrational thinking below, please don't let it sway your advice to the questions above:
I fear losing my job even though I have no logical reason to fear this, then having to get a new job. My job pays EXTREMELY well and I fear making my mortgage payment if I had to find another job. This is not rational either, Yes I am paid well and would more than likely take a pay cut. The reason the not make the payment is not rational is I have my BF living with me, he has not starting paying rent yet, but if this happened then he would be a shoulder to lean on.
I also currently save a large portion of my paycheck to retirement. If I did not save a dime to retirement at my new job, I would have to find a $18.77 per hour job. OUCH in this area that would be tough. So my fear boils down to how can I find a really good paying job IF all of a sudden world peace broke out.
I guess worst case I could try to sell my home. See I tried to sell it this summer but I know why it did not sell. BF has plans to do some stuff to the home which would will just add buyer interest at a later date. I just hope I can sell it for close to its value. If I was, I could buy a cheaper home and thus reduce my mortgage. I have 74K in equity IF it sold at value. In this town a decent home starts at 110K, so I could get a bare bones house for a loan of 36K and that I think I could afford on a NEW less paying job.
Cohabitation – How much rent?
February 2nd, 2011 at 01:53 pm
Here is the situation; I am living with my Boyfriend and My Son. My Boyfriend just moved in and is still in the process of getting out of his lease agreement (Not sure how much longer he will have to pay rent or what kind of lease breaking fee he will have to pay because he cant get the owner or the apartment manager to call him.)
Because of this he has not started paying rent to me. He buys a portion of the groceries, and is helping me with child care and is really motivating me to watch my spending (My Son and I have not gone out to eat or purchased Fast Food since he moved in). So it is a beneficial thing even if he is not at this time handing me Ca$h.
Once his rent situation with his landlord is ironed out, what is reasonable to ask him to pay towards lodging costs? I own my home; I have a mortgage, house insurance expenses, housing taxes, Gas/Electric and Water/Waste bills. There are three of us living there so anything more than one third seems wrong.
First Question; is it fair to charge a third of the housing expenses when at this time he has no “Vested” interest in the home, meaning if I were to die he would not get any portion of the proceeds of selling the house. A third of the costs would be at least $150 less than he is currently paying in rent for his apartment, and my home is a massive step up from that Dive of a building. I bet once he switches over his car insurance, his car insurance will go down being this is a better area and the vehicle is now garaged.
Second Question; should I average the variable bills (Gas, Electric, Water) so that the rent is always the same or should I ask him for his third as those bills come in?
I know, I know, I tend to over analyze things.
(I am moving this from My Other Blog- So I am moving the reader comments and putting them below IF Possible)
4 Responses to “Cohabitation – How much rent?”
1. Savings Queen Says:
February 2nd, 2011 at 02:05 pm
I vote for a third of the rent and a third of the utilities. Either that or he should just pay you what he paid his old landlord. Suze Orman would say "He's already moved in and you haven't talked about money yet???!!!" I know the money talk is difficult, so maybe you could broach it with something like, "Honey, while you are settling things with your landlord, of course you don't need to pay anything and once that's done I don't think you should pay for half the expenses here since there are two of us and just one of you. What about you just pay a third of the mortgage and utilities?" I think it's very fair of you to not ask for half.
2. Savings Queen Says:
February 2nd, 2011 at 02:07 pm
On second thought...maybe he SHOULD continue to pay what he was paying and then give you a third of the utilities. After all, if he wasn't living with you, that's what he'd have to pay. Also, your place sounds MUCH better than his!
3. creditcardfree Says:
February 2nd, 2011 at 02:16 pm
How about you ask him what he thinks is reasonable, and have your plan as the backup? If his is higher, I'd agree to that. I think if he's moving in he would want to know what rent he will be paying. If he seems surprised about paying rent...well, he might think he's getting to live in free.
4. ThriftoRama Says:
February 2nd, 2011 at 02:20 pm
He should pay something. He'd have to pay to live somewhere even if it wasn't with you. This doesn't have to be a bad conversation. He'll probably be happy to contribute.
Yesterday I purchased my Sons main Christmas Gift. It is the Big Harry Potter Hogworts Lego Set. I also purchased the Lego Advent Calender and two minifigures. The minifigures are going into his Stocking.
Today I purchased my Christmas Gift. It is a New Black Bug Out Bag by Sandpiper. These backpacks rock! I am going to add waterproofer to it to make sure it is waterproof and no water gets to it incase for some reason I have to stand outside in the rain for long periods of time. The reason I got Black is that no matter the situation is the plain black color does not draw attention to you so it is very multi-functional.
I want to also purchase a portable external hard drive. I have my eye on a 1TB by two different companies. I guess I want to see which one is suppose to be more sturdy. I think I will be waiting until Black Friday to purchase the Hard drive as this is usually one of those items that becomes a black friday Deal.
I need to buy myself a new pair of running shoes, I need to email the compnay though and ask what the name of the replacement of my current shoes is. See I wear the same pair then order it online until I cant get it anymore then write the company and get the name of the new shoe then buy it for years, the last pair I got at a store that was selling last seasons castoffs. Well it is now time to write the company again and find out what the name is of the newest upgrade to my shoe is called. I learned to do this after buying running shoes and never being able to get a good fit even though the store associates swore that the shoes were basically the same thing.
On a side note:
I talked to my X last night and it seems that he is willing to do what is best for our son and so he more than likely will be moving into the house while I am gone.
I have not written since the 10th. I had to work that weekend. It was also the weekend of my mothers "Family Reunion". My Mother did not want a funeral or a service and so the family had a family get together where the people on the left part of the state got to together and the people living near the right got together on the right side. There was the high shool photo of my mother and a yellow rose in the room. My Uncle is going to make my brothers and I copies of the photo and they gave me the rose. It was nice because they respected her wishes but at the same time they got to comfort each other.
My brother (never knew his father-not on the Birth Certificate), and so he was rather upset because when he heard our mother was died he felt like his only family was gone. Of course there was still my brothers and I, But we had just gotten in touch a month or so ago. So after the "family reunion" he was able to find comfort that he is not family-less even though mom is dead.
The family get together was really great, it was just a meal at Perkins (for those on the left side). My brothers went through my mothers apartment while I was at work and some of the relatives came and got some of her stuff. They also had a brunch but I was at work and unable to attend. The rest of her things got unloaded into my garage as they finished Sunday evening and every donation place was closed by them. My brothers and I went to eat dinner at a relatives house Sunday night and then the next morning my two brothers started the drive home at like 4am. My other brother flew out of town two days after they left.
I am for the most part done going through her things, Since most women seem to have three sizes of clothes in their closet. (the current size, the blotted size and the oh I used to be skinny size-or this will look so cute on me when I lose 10 pounds size). I was able to actually wear alot of her things, I have always wanted a trench coat and well she had 5 of them. 3 were long and 2 were short and in different colors black, navy, white. It was kind of wierd because she had the exact same jeans as I wear. She wore a size larger BUT she took in the waist band as the no gap was still gapping and so they fit me just a little loose.
I ended up with alot of things and so there are really only about one or two larger boxes of things that I need to take down to donate. My brother had a really hard time with boxing up her stuff because he did not want someone who did not know her having all her stuff, but it worked out well....He and my other brother packed what they could into their car, my brother packed a few things into his luggage, my mothers family took the majority of the things that my brothers had not set aside except for a few of the LARGER pieces of furnature that they had earmarked for my house. Then the remainder came to my house.
The funny thing is one of the items I like the most is that my mother used to clean houses so she had a bucket of towels for cleaning. I love that bucket of towels because I have always wanted to go papertowel less but never did. Now no more papertowels except for when I make bacon and everytime I grab a towel I will think of my mom. I wish I would have gotten more time with her but I am happy that she no longer has to "be unhappy".
I was nice to meet my mothers side of the family. It is sad that she felt the need to distance herself from everyone including my brother and I but she is in a better place now. I know this, she was extremely unhappy while she was on this earth and I do not think when we leave this earth the you are punished if you are a good person.
So Yesterday I worked out, so proud of myself because I cut nearly 5 minutes off my five 5K time. I ran it in 31:27 since it is 3.1 miles that turns to a little over 10 minutes a mile which I think is super. I picked up my son from after school daycare.
We get home and there is 3 messages on the phone. I think the first one was old, the second was a hang up and then the third was a minute later and a message from a cop in the next town over with his name and number and a request for me to call him.
So I call him back, and he tells me that my mother has died. He tells me that my brother (half brother really) might be calling me. I think my brother found out today also. I forgot to ask when she died.
It was not really a shock because of the paperwork I signed like 40 days before, my mother was the non-custodial parent and she chose not to have a relationship with my older brother and I. She tends to get in touch with me every 5 or so years the last time I talked with her prior to her contacting me about two months ago was 7 years ago when I happened to come across her telephone number at work and I called her.
Well she only gets in touch with me when she wants something, two months ago she contacted me because she wanted me to sign some medical/legal documents (I guess it was up to me because I was the only child of hers in the state). Anyway she wanted me to sign paperwork so she could donate her body to science upon her death, to which I asked if she was terminal or something and she said no (just making sure everything was taking care of). I had gotten divorced two months prior and knew I needed to update my will and I figured maybe a close friend or family member had died and she was just motivated to ensure everything was done, usually stuff like that causes you to take action to ensure your affairs are in order.
So now I am a little numb, A coworker is calling me a "mumblefish" today as I normally am a loud and clear person, but today I just feel out of it and am having a hard time concentrating. I am maybe a little sad but not ball your eyes out sad. I talked with my half brother for only like 45 seconds last night, he was ball your eyes out sad.
I have realized I am the sad that you feel when you hear a friend lost a family member, you are sad for them but it is not the same as a if it was someone you knew personnally. I think I am more saddened by the fact that I am not more upset about it and just NUMB. But that is it in a nut shell, I never really got to know her, I saw her maybe 1 weekend a month every other month for a 4 year period (age 7-11), so she is more like a obscure relative than a mother.
Thank you all for you advice on the mental issue I was having regarding the lack of deck or fire excape as I was looking at it.
""I honestly don't think Dave Ramsey would say it is okay to borrow money for a deck. However, he might think it a safety issue and a priority. He would tell you to take a second job, sell everything you can and use the cash on hand you have. In other words, everything you can think of doing before you would go into debt further."" (Need to go back later and give credit to the poster)
I wanted to post about what I am thinking of doing to get my EF funded.
First: I have responded to an ad online looking for a roommate. I am thinking that for a while I will rent out a room in my house. This is not nearly as much money as a parttime job but after you deduct all the costs with parttime work it would be about half of what my take home would be, equal to it IF I could rent out two rooms.
I am going to look into seeing if there are any jobs in town that I could work from home. I would like to pick up a second job but because I would have to line up daycare and it would have to be when I am not working my primary job it would make it not super easy to do. I also have to get approval from my employer to work outside my home so I am thinking internet in the evenings. If I can find something internet than even if my job took me out of town as long as I have internet acess I could still pull in work. Or the job would have to be one where I could bring my son along (part-time evening nanny).
I have a few items I could sell, I just had a rummage sale and plan to have another next summer for the small things. I need to put ads out for the few large items I do have to sell to make a little money.
Okay now thirdly the "Use the money you have" The point of an emergency fund is to plan for unexpected events. Truthfully My job is secure I have a contract (just not the orders yet) for a 6 year position. So the Emergency Fund is fine at 3 mths. The Escrow and Mortgage do need to be at 12 Months because the posibility of needing to have then autopaid for extended periods without me being able to oversee it are more likely.
So I am going to buy the 3 rolling ladders
then I am going to continue to work on increasing income
then I am going to save for the Mortgage and Escrow.
then once those are at the 12 months I will save for the Emergency Fund and deck.
The only blip that is going to be on the horizon is in Dec. I NEED to have a months cushion in my checking account at that time as that is when my contract moves from old to new and pay is ALWAYS messed up for atleast one pay period where you end up waiting on the first check to cut.
So I am punching numbers.
I have the following question, Building your Emergency Fund is a step 3 item, Debt reduction being step 2.
Where would a house repair that is not really a repair fit in?
I have desided that all my extra $ over the next few months is going to the house savings account that is basically the money I would need to shell out if I had to claim something on my house insurance until it is finished.
Then I need to figure out a plan of attack. See I do not have a deck on my house, I have owned the house for 3 years, we were able to purchase the house without a deck BUT we could not resell the house without putting a deck on the house or putting an ALLOWANCE into the selling contract so that the city knew it would be completed shortly after sell.
It is a safety thing, If there was a main floor fire at the front of the house and we could not exit out the front door, then it is a 2 story drop to get out of the house without the deck built. I want to get this done ASAP but not sure how to prioritze it.
Is building a deck a DEBT because technically it should have already been done for safety reasons and me be paying it off. Or does it fit into step 6 paying off your home early because it is something that needs to be done to the house.
I was thinking maybe it fit into the middle gray area somewhere. I was planning on trying to pay a percentage to the Emergency Fund, The Mortgage Fund, the Escrow Fund and the Deck build. But I figure I have about $450-$500 per month that can be spent/saved IF I am gazzelle intense. If I do the % then it will take me 5 years to finished all them and the deck then move on to the next dave ramsey step.
The problem with that is I hate thinking that I am putting my sons safety at risk for 5 years when if it is a DEBT catergory item then it would be saved for in 21 months or Approx August 2012.
Is there anyone out there that who just wants to slap me and say get over it, it is a safety issue who care what dave ramsey would think and you should take that CC that has a limit high enough to pay for the deck and build the thing financing it at 9% and be done worrying that a fire is going to come along and then it will be a debt to be attacked.
Please help me deside.
I am finally thinking positively.
I was in a funk, I was stressing out thinking how am I going to get my CC bill paid off and make any progress on savings goals.
I put up my October Budget on my SideBar. I have a little under $600 wiggle room in my Budget each Month IF I make the months prior goals.
By Wiggle Room I mean whatever does not get spent on gas or food is free to apply to goals....So it is up to me to save gas and scout meal deals to stretch that but It is totally doable.
This is better than I thought. I was thinking I was going to NEED to bring in a roommate in order to make progress on my savings goals but truthfully IF I just keep spending down to a minimum I could actually make progress on my savings goals.
I am going to post spending here because then I am holding myself to my purchases and at the end of the month when I post where the saving went I will see the result.
I have a question for you, I currently have a VERY low balance in my Checking acount right before payday this is where I have my Automatic bills come from. I would like to beef up the balance but I do have autodraft so I should be okay. I am currently charging ALL purchases then at the bill due date paying the statement balance. I get credit card rewards for doing this (please note I am doing this because I am BROKE, not because of the rewards).
IF you were me would you:
Option #1: continue to use the CC for purchases such as gas and food and get the rewards paying off the statement balance a week or so prior to it being due and gaining the cash back reward applying the extra money you had each month to the $$ Goals in your sidebar.
Option #2: Take the leftover money at the end of the month for a few months and build up the checking account balance so you were using the checkbook and or debit card to buy the gas and food and not have a credit card bill what so ever and miss out on the CC rewards and delay the $$ Side bar Goals for a few months.
The two options both have postitives
#1 CC rewards and Faster Sidebar Savings
#2 NO CC balance and More of a Checking Cushion
#1 CC balance revolving Each month so never really PAID in Full
#2 Missing out on CC rewards 1% on all purchases and 2% on gas; Checking account needs to be balanced instead of just verifying that the charges on the CC are correct and nothing fraudulate are poping up.
My Cash Rewards are $61.99 but the Gas are Separate and do not know the current balance on that.
Well this is morning two of toast and jelly for breakfast and day too of PB&J for lunch for the little boy. (By not paying for school breakfast and Lunch I saved $5 this week).
I asked if he wanted PB&J or Ham sandwiches for lunch today and he elected PB&J. Could be that last year I did not pack PB&J at all because there were two extreme peanut allergy children in his class.
I now have two items on my grocery list. A box of chedder crackers (whales from WM) and Jelly. The box of crackers is for his cubby at school incase he forgets his daily baggy of school snacks. OKAY if mommy forgets to double check that it is ready for the morning. If I bought both the crackers and jelly at the same time I might have to not count the crackers against the $5 weekly groceries because I was not planning on reducing my grocery spending by the $9 per quarter snack money (they did not do that this year-yeah). So I might give myself a free pass on the amount of the crackers that goes over my allowance because I did not shell out $9 for snacks at the start of the quarter.
My grandmother makes or I should say used to make the BEST jelly. The main ingrediant was always rubbarb. Strawberry Rubbarb was her staple but she has made all kinds including blueberry and mixed berry with rubbard which is my FAV. But a year or so ago she found out she has this condition with a v name vasvassomething or other. So She has to avoid steam or she passes out. This means cooking is no longer the thing she does alot of. She has resorted to light cooking ie nothing that boils. Well as I get ready to spend $3 or so on a jar of jelly I think of how with $3 of fruit my grandmother could make half a dozen jars easily once you added in the FREE rubbard from her garden. Plus hers was SOOOOO Much better. A year ago I tried to learn with her sort of over seeing. It was a huge flop, I ended up with two dozen jars of sugared fruit juice (basically fruit drizzle for ice cream.)
See the part I need the most help with she could not help with and that was when it starts to bubble and thickening and STEAMing. So one batch got BURNT and over thickened and the remainder was toooooo thin. So sadly no more of grandmothers great jelly.
Starting Balance $418.16 Left for Gas/Food/Daycare/Misc for Sept
Today I got the preview of my direct deposit that will be deposited on the 1st of Sept.
I forgot about the food charge that was going to come out of my check one of these days. 41.62 so I need to reduce my spending money by that amount since I will not have that amount to spend.
I was panicing a little this morning as I was looking at my checkbook balance after I set up the transfer of the last payment to pay my credit card statement that is due Sept 1. I was thinking my balance should be around a $150.00 but after recording a deduction I was like $101.00 and I still had a $58.00 deduction coming on or around the 30th. I knew I wrote a check for $15 but I was thinking how could I cut the balance that close.
The good news is in the far column where you write you ending balance I had subtracted a deposit. I actually have 240.09 instead of the $101.39 I thought I had.....Big relief.
I have a "Date" coming up next week, it will either be tues, weds, or thurs. The plan is the date will wither cook or pick up dinner and meet us at my house, we will eat dinner then DS will do his homework if he has any. Once the homework is done then all of us will sit down and watch a DVD of the dates choosing. ** The nice thing is if dinner is ready when DS and I get home the night is less stressful and then there is more time for fun (DVD) before DS has to go to bed. The other good part is the date is not trying to see me at 10pm or later when it is not a good time for me, and because he is going to cook or pick up dinner it is also going to be nice to for my food budget.
Left for Gas/Food/Daycare/Misc for Sept
I have been spending alot of time with DS. I elected to use some of my stockpiled vacation time instead of paying for a babysitter this month.
I have saved alot in daycare costs and it has been nice. Three more vacation days until school starts.
This year instead of paying for school lunches $1.50 and breakfast $1.00 each day I am going to pack cold lunchs and make sure he eats breakfast at home. This will mean less veggies as the lunch is going to be a sandwich and a snack such as cereal and water but it will save money until I make some progress on my Emergency Fund goals. It will also mean making sure he gets up earlier and goes to bed earlier since he doesn't like to eat in the morning.
This Saturday I am having another rummage sale. I hope to sell alot. I hope to do as well as last time BUT even if I only get $100 it would be worth it to reduce the amount of stuff I have in my house. Right now everything is packed neatly in my garage, okay that is a fib as I still have some stuff I would like to go through and label.
Whatever I do not sell I can put in my neighbors sale on the weekend of 10-12 Sept, I just have to make sure I get my initials on it. That will definately happen.
Rummage sales have been worth it so once the rummage sale is over in september I plan to pack everything back into totes and store them under the stairs so that next year all I have to do is pull the totes out and instant rummage sale. Also I hope to have a empty tote or two available so as I find stuff in the house I want to rid myself of I can toss them in.
Today I paid the Credit Card Bill, I made 3 payments over the next three days using up the money in both savings accounts (that were at the online bank that was paying out less than my ING accounts) and my checking account. I need to come up with $265 before the 1st of September, so I am hoping to do well on the rummage sale this saturday. Worest case once the sale is over and I know I will not be having another I can cash in my Rummage Sale (starter change) which could help. Depending on the turnout/weather/amount of stuff left I might consider another one on the 28th and or the 4th.
Next week I will call and cancel both the savings accounts that I emptied out that were paying less than my ING accounts.
Right now I have a $543.53 on my credit card that will be due on Oct 1st. After paying all the bills for September I will have $804.35 to spend so basically if I make no progress on goals this coming month I need to spend no more than $260.82 on food, daycare and gas or anything else for the rest of August and Sept, So that I can be back at a zero debt level. Man it is going to be tough. Hopefully I do well at the neighbors rummage sale so I can bring in some extra money.
I bought grocerys a few days ago, I am hoping that besides maybe bread that I can clean out the pantry/fridge/freezer and do a very low grocery bill. Daycare is going to cost $100. And gasoline is going to be around $60 so that would give me $100 for food and unexpected or Checking book cushion that I have wiped out to stretch until the end of Sept.
Yes, having vanity saved me $5.30.
I really want a footlong subway sub. I have to work until 10pm tonight so I would like to buy a footlong and eat half now for lunch and then half at 4pm for dinner BUT I am vane.
See I am at work, and I am having a great hair day. The First in like Months. So I dont feel like putting a hat on and ruining my cute hair. See I am in my work uniform and IF I leave the building I have to put on the matching hat which sucks and will mess up my hair.
I eventually will have to put the hat on thus messing up my hair and leaving a hat ring around my forehead BUT I would like to have pretty hair and unmarked forehead for as long tonight as possible because I have really missed feeling pretty when I look in the mirror.
So I am going to eat the leftovers that I have stashed in the freezer and tonight I will have some steamfresh steamers lightly sauced sauce.
I have a finished basement, it is a walkout/daylight basement so very nice.
I would like to rent out a room and have been looking on my towns free website and after doing some math I am thinking $350 or $400 per month IF they want in garage parking for one car. I am thinking $600 IF they want two bedrooms and one car parking.
I am scared, How does one start to find decent renters, this is really important as they will be sharing a home with me.
I am trying to sell stuff from around the house to get extra income but at this point I am thinking I need to do something bigger. If I get a second job then I have to get daycare plus the way my contract reads I would have to get the MOONLIGHTING approved through my employer so that is does not reflect poorly on my current employer.
I am thinking the renting of the room would be better/easier. I figure if I rent out both basement bedrooms then I can move my sons playroom/toys into the storage room. I have been slowly emptying out the storage room by getting the stuff tagged for my next rummage sale.
Well we had major storming last night, had a little hail but no damage. I do not think I am going to get hail damage for a LONG time. Why because I have desided once I do I am going to pay the extra/difference and go with seamless steel siding instead of the vinyl siding that I have now.
The water easement that is at the rear of the lot behind our house had major water collect in it. I took a picture of it with my four foot tall son standing by it. He looked like a toddler.
I resently rechecked the sprinkler system because I thought that I was watering only once a week but it seems that I was watering twice a week because one day while I was at home the system started. Well I fixed that so my water bill should go down.
My grass has been growing super tall super fast SO starting lastnight I actually am now only watering three zones, the boulivard (which has misters) and the zones that are on the side of the yard that meet the unseeded lot that a house is in the process of being built on. Because there is no grass next to mine in that area my grass needs more water because there is less vegitation to hold the water into the ground.
I tried to fertilize that area but rain came and it kept coming and coming so the fertilizer actually got washed away a bit early so I will need to redo it. Just going to put it on lightly since it did get a little bit that did not completely wash away.
On a different note, We went to the Zoo on Sunday. It was my son and I and well my boyfriend. The boyfriend paid, then we caught a bite to eat. I paid for DS and I and the boyfriend paid for his. So the Zoo trip and Meal only cost me $13.11. Not bad, not bad at all.
I have desided that YES my boyfriend has issues because he tends to spend time with me in small doses which I guess I just need to get used to since I am used to a relationship where the person is always around.
But since it costs me nothing to go out and spend time with him I am just going to enjoy it and hope that eventually he gets over his issue with wanting to save his days off for cleaning and couch patato vegitation.
Yesterday XH signed the check from the Old Mortgage Company so today I can deposit that and the $ from the rummage sale.
I am happy because once this deposit clears than I only need to come up with $820.81 to be able to payoff the credit card to what the statement balance was after the Furniture purchase posted.
I still have the stuff set up in the garage from the last rummage sale. My DS asked when he came home when we would have a rummage sale and so I might try to have another one in August. I need to go through my house as I am slowly coming across things that I really dont want anymore cluttering up my house. So I might have enough to have a sale if I keep looking between now and August.
Computer update: My Deesktop computer has been having issues for a while. Well Sunday it would not turn on at all. So I was not sure if it was the power supply or if it was a multitude of other minor problems to include possibly the motherboard. Well I unplugged the computer and the printer from the wall since I figured if the thing was not working I was not going to pay to feed electricty to the surge protector.
Last night my XH unplugged all the things for the computer (keyboard, mouse, monitor, etc etc.) well then he thought maybe he should test it before he starts ripping it apart. After he rehooked up everything and plugged it in the computer worked. The power supply in the computer is meant to turn itself off if there is a power surge to protect the computer. My XH thinks that is what happened that the power supply shut itself off and that by my unplugging the computer and replugging it in it restarted the power supply.
So I have bought myself a little time before I have to buy a new computer for my son. I need to buy another external harddrive as the one I have now is full. Once I purchase that and make sure there is nothing left on the computer I will feel much better.
I am happy because now instead of buying DS a computer for his birthday I can buy him somethings he REALLY wants. I also am saved from having to buy a printer. My printer is on its last leg BUT I want to use up the ink in it before I replace it. If I would have had to buy a new computer I would have just bought a new printer because of all the hassle to load the drivers on this old one, but now I have a little time to delay the purchase of the new printer.
Yes it is nice not to have to buy a new computer and printer on top of trying to pay off the credit card.
And the final topic - Daycare. I have ironned out the date that XH will be staying at the house and so I know when he is available to watch DS and when I will need to take vacation and when I will need daycare. It is really going to help my budget this month to just take vacation time and only pay for daycare for 3 days instead of the 4-5 weeks.
What a relief....I do need to apply for my Afterschool program though and that requires a small deposit, and the partial payments for August and May so about $200. Glad I dont have to come up with that on top of regular summer daycare.
Have a great day! Yea it is Friday!
Not sure why only the first paragraph is posting so here goes....3rd times the charm right...
Thinking I will be boyfriend less soon. I feel bad because right now I am still getting the mess that was my relationship with my XH cleaned up and so I find I talk about my XH or will bring him up when I am talking about a situation at hand because that is the whole story to my New BF without realizing it. (this is my bad habit and I realize it).
BUT The main reason I think we will not be dating soon is that I work 8am-430pm so I have to be up at 630am to get ready, Feed and cloth DS, drop off DS at daycare and drive. This means I need to be in bed by 10pmish. I work Mon-Fri.
He works 12:30pm until 9:30pm. He works 7 days then gets 4 days off then works 7 days than gets 3 days off then works 7 gets 4 works 7 gets 3 (get the picture). He wakes up at like 10am and goes to bed at 2am, this sleep schedule sticks even when it is his days off.
So on the days he works we will not see each other UNLESS I am willing to push back my bedtime. Now with My son being home the Nightly walks are going to be ending. I like to try to get together when he has his days off (either after I am done with work or if it is a weekend basically spend the day together) BUT I have found that he like to RELAX on his days off. Which means he cleans his apartment (super neat/clean) and spends a lot of time watching TV or going to the YMCA.
He has super Cable TV so this seems really lazy to me since I have NO TV reception at my house. If I try to spend time more time with him than his magic limit, he will get a little irratated because he wants to relax on his days off. But I know that if you just let time pass you dont get it back.
I also have a house and child to take care of so I am busy and so I like to plan my time if at all possible.
Today He had the day off and so I asked him to come see me. Twice I got shot down, and he told me "I needed to chill" well that hurt my feelings. I dont get it because he was the one that ASKED ME out. Oh well....I am going to focus on myself and my son now and I will let him call me/ text me, when He wants to see me but I am going "to chill" and let him figure out and tell me what he wants from a relationship.
The good news is normally I shell out a ton of money when I am dating someone. The last guy I dated before My XH had a daughter and I loved to buy her things she needed plus he lived out of town so gas money etc. At least with my current boyfriend he paid all the time...He got uppity if I tried to pay so I learned to just enjoy it. He even bought me roses (MY FAV FLOWER) and had them delivered to me at work. So no regrets on a finacial front. I just wish I did not feel bad because I wanted to see someone I was dating. I feel like he was seeing me as clingy or needy but I suppose it was a bit much because I was trying to get as much us time together before I had to figure out daycare plans if we we going to spend time together without DS along.
Not sure if I wrote about the counseling.
My XH is very self centered. He thought the 8 years we were married were the BEST years of his life and is totally confused as to why I was not blissfully happy also. Yet in the same sentence he says it makes him sad being around me after the divorce was final, because now that we are divorced I am so happy it is like I have a huge weight off my shoulders and the sparkle is back in my eyes.
Really????? (Shaking my head)
He said he wanted to talk about why I wanted a divorce, and basically I asked him why? Why if you were so happy do you want me telling you why I was unhappy? Anyway I said that basically if he was going to move out of state for 2 years to go to school without even discussing it with me; leaving me to care for our son and the house etc that we were basically seperated/divorce but without the paperwork to make it legal.
That was not good enough so I told him I would talk about it but it had to be in a counseling type setting. His answer was "I cant afford counseling" to which of course as always I pointed out two FREE options to him. I told him he would have to make all the arrangements.
See with my XH he tend to put stuff off or only finish half. I figured IF he really wanted this to happen then he would follow through OR I would not have to do it. He followed through Darn it!!
My XH has PTSD, ADHD, and Rage Issues so I was not going to discuss this outside a setting where if he needed HELP after the discussion he could get it. I really dont see the point in crushing the rosey picture of the marriage he thought we had but I guess if that is what he wants then so be it. I am going to make sure I start with that, going to tell the counseler that and see if she can convince him he does not want to hear about 8 years of bad stuff.
The appointment to see the Counseler is at 4pm this afternoon. MY XH will be dropping off DS with my Grandmother and my aunt for a few hours during the appointment. My Son has been spending 3 weeks with my XH so Grandma of course is excited to see him. Of course Grandma and aunty just know XH has somewhere to be at 4pm. Wondering IF XH told DS where he was going. DS was the one that spilled the beans that his mommy and daddy had broke up.
On the Positive side, My Little Boy is coming home today. After the appointment I get to pick him up from my grandmothers house and get caught up on all the hugs and kisses I missed while he was gone.
Now that my little boy is back home I need to call my daycare provider. He needs to start daycare this Tuesday at $130 per week. Oh well I lucked out and will only have to pay for 4 - 5 weeks of daycare this summer instead of the whole summer so that is good. I am slowly trying to budget in the cost of summer daycare spread over the whole year BUT since I only had like a month lead time I am just going to have to eat ALL the summer daycare costs out of current income.
Stepped on the scale this morning 166.8 pounds. Yep does not seem to have gone down much, but people are commenting on my weight loss and My clothes are fitting looser.
After I posted this my XH called to find out if he could stay a little later this weekend. (He was going to leave Sunday) but now wants to stay at my house 2 extra days cause a buddy is going to go back with him. Then like 5 days later (3 days earlier than planned) he was going to come back to return friend. So he wants to stay with me instead of heading back just to turn around and drive back.
I have agreed to this...At first I was not really wanted to do this. My XH stresses me out and so I really dont want him around, #2 I am seeing someone and he really wants me to stop helping my XH and working on the things I need to do for myself.
BUT then I got to thinking and about the # of days that would be. Between my XH being here (If he stays I will require that he watch DS during my work hours in return), and the days I took off because my brother will be in town This would really reduce my daycare.
I figure if I took an additional 8 days off, all I would need is 3 days of daycare which I could have my grandmother FREE or my Cousin CHEAP do. This would mean a cost of $54 instead of $540-$675.
So I am now looking forward to it, this will really help my budget. I looked at my checking account today and it was the lowest I have seen it in YEARS! plus I have a HUGE Credit Card bill because to be on the safe side I have switched to CC only use until the retirement % changes in my paycheck.
My Boyfriend...Yep OMG I have a boyfriend.
Anyway, sorry back on topic. I have met his brothers and his niece and nephew but not the rest of the family. Well there is a BBQ for his brothers birthday tonight and I agreed to go.
So it is a meet the parents/uncles/aunts/sister-in-laws night. I was not nervous at all until a few hours ago.
I hated my hair, I was growing it out and it was at a horrible stage, well I cut it. Yes I lost about a inch on the sides and about 3 inches in the back BUT I think this new cut will grow out Much better than the style I had before. I cut it because my BF wants some pictures of us together so he can show people who ask. Anyway I wanted to feel my best going to meet the parents and cut my hair.
I am so much more happy about my hair.
Well the BF is 43 and I am 33 so it is not like it is MEETING the parents like when you are in your 20s. But Still I want to make a good impression.
Well today I got a text from my BF and he was telling me about the gag gift he was going to buy his brother. I am a little uncomfortable about the gift as it is "NAUGHTY" in theme and I am worried his family is going to think I am perverted or something because he is bringing me to the party and not sure if he makes a habit of giving these types of gifts to family members. What if they think I had some input in the gift.
Four Hours until the BBQ and I am now getting nervous. On another Note my little boy comes home in 2 more days!!
Well I went back to the store and bought the furniture for upstairs. In 1 to 2 weeks I should have furniture for my house. Later that evening as I was thinking of the total bill I started to regret it.
I got a great deal on the furniture, I really do need furniture as it makes it hard to sit down and relax when you only have wood kitchen chairs to sit down in. But being the tight wad that I am I have a hard time spending money on myself.
Truthfully this is the first Me Purchase I have made in well 11 years. The last Me Purchase was my Car in 1999. I guess I am stressing because I charged it to my credit card and unless I want to pull the $ out of savings about half the charge might sit one cycle on the CC. Of course my rate is 8% so that is not bad considering. But as a pay in full credit card person this extra month freaks me out.
I would like to have a fully funded 12 Month EF, truthfully I do not need that much as my job is really secure but it makes me feel better.
Today I reduced my retirement savings from 36% of my pay to 15%. This will bring me about an extra $700 per month into my take home. I plan to use the extra money to fund the Emergency Fund, The House Payment Fund and The Escrow Fund. (Basically I have the Emergency Fund broken down three ways) I figure if something were to happen then why breakup the fund to those three things when I can just break them up now.
Once the Emergency Funds are funded I need to save for the Deck and for a larger house repair fund. The Deck is a Need as it is a safety thing. I have a walk out lower level so without the deck if there was a fire at the front of the house the only way out the top floor would be the two story windows. The house repair fund is currently being fed $100 per month. I would like at least $2000 in the account. The deductible on the homeowners insurance is 1000 and I want to have atleast 1000 for repairs.
Once that all happens then I will raise back my retirement savings. It really hurts to reduce my retirement saving BUT truthfully if I continue how I am saving for retirement I will have $50K per year income and I am currently living off of $29K per year with the mortgage payment so I should not be stressing.
I hope to have a rummage sale this weekend to help pay for the furniture and to also reduce the clutter in my life.
I was trying to think of ways to increase my income. I could get a parttime job (but this would require permission from my employer). I could sell stuff, which is why I am having a rummage sale/sales. Or I could think about having a roommate or two. I am not ready to go the roommate route because I like being able to live my life without having to worry about noise from other. Also if I get a parttime job I would have to line up daycare. So I am not sure what I will do for extra money once I sell everything that I can sell.
Hopefully I will get clearity as time goes on, I just feel so pulled in so many ways.
Well I have been on a run of happiness. I was looking forward to having my XH out of my house and his drama gone.
I was looking forward to my son spending time with his dad so I could have a break from being the person that handles everything.
But I have hit a blue patch.
Now that it is day two of my little boy being on vacation with his father I am sad. I really miss my little boy. The house is too quiet. I miss my daily hugs, kisses and of course the "I love you mommy".
Last night I blew up at my boyfriend. He does this thing where he quotes movies in a wierd high pitched voice and I try to ignore it but last night he sent me a sound text and it basically it was a movie clip, an annoying OLD military one at that. I know it is dumb to let something like that eat at me but I really find the movie and tv quotes annoying since I have no clue the movie reference since I dont watch TV and because I have a young child most movies I watch are family friendly. Plus the high pitched voice is like hands down a chalk board to me.
I know I am going to have to say something BUT not sure if it will do any good because he does this more when he is nervous so it might be ingrained habit.
We were suppose to reserve the hotel rooms for the trip this weekend but I am dragging my feet on it because I do not want to spend all that money if I think I am going to be blue the whole time and secretly upset with him over the voice thing.
I think I am going to try to have a rummage sale on Saturday instead. I have so much stuff for a sale that I need to have a sale so that I can have a sale. I really need to be saving $ for my $$ Goals and not spending money on things I can really go without.
What to do? What to do?
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