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Home > Financial talk with BF, Housing plan talk with EX, and Doggy update.

Financial talk with BF, Housing plan talk with EX, and Doggy update.

February 23rd, 2011 at 08:28 am

So Monday I had the talk with BF about finances, not really totally happy with the outcome. I feel sort of taken advantage of when it was done because I was not comfortable telling him what I wanted, just asked him what he thought was fair.

He said his take home is $1600, and he is not going to completely hand his check over to another person ever again. I care about BF, and he is a good housemate, but I want a chance at a long term relationship and BF doesn't plan to get married again. Which is fine with me, because it would just complicate things, but I would like a more intertwined relationship. Okay, I would like to be one of those engaged for 10-12 year people.

Back in Sept 2010 I told my EX-Husband he could move into my house (so our son would not have to move while I was deployed). Well I was not planning on charging him rent since he would still be paying child support but then I got to thinking and feared my EX would damage things such as the stove etc. Or to be spitful run up my utilities bill. So I desided that he would have to pay the utilites so that he would not be tempted to set the heat at 80 in the winter or air conditioner at 65 in the summer. So utilities $250 average per month plus 319.90 child support equals $560 per month $$$ I would have gotten from EX.

Well then I met my BF, and he moved in. I trust my BF to take care of the place better so last night after my EX said he wanted to know exactly where we were sitting, I told EX "he should just rent an apartment". I think it would be best for our sons mental adjustment anyway and mine since I don't trust my EX not to purposely damage the house while I am gone if he gets upset with the responsiblities that come with being a father.

Well BF knows that I was going to let EX move in and just pay utilites so that was what he suggested. That he pay the utilites. I guess part of me feels that is taking advantage of me because of the fact that since my EX is not staying in the house I will need to pay him $319.90 in child support so having BF stay there instead of the EX is costing me $319.90 for my deployment time frame. Also $250 in utilites is less that the $410 (1/3 total household costs) I was hoping he would offer. He was paying $525 a month plus lights in rent so I feel like $410 would have still been a better deal than what he was paying.

That aside, I am trying to look at it like a house sitting option, BF is house sitting my house for me and I am getting the utilites paid out of the deal. Then once I get home I think I will have to re-address the issue. Right now in addition to the utilities (which he has not started paying yet, he does provide me with daycare for my drill weekends whenever he is not working also so that saves me $100 each month).


I was trying to look up IF I could get composite fencing done here, and the main professional fencing webite had the type of fence I wanted and a section on Dog Kennels. We will need one once my BF's dog comes to live here because I want a composite fence if one is going to be put up and they are expensive PLUS a fence is not one of MY priorities. BF said he would pay for the fence and install it since it was for his dog BUT in his mind he had a chain linc fence in mind. Sorry but if I am going to put up a fence it is going to add curb appeal. I do not want to put up a chain linc fence then try to sell the house later and the buyer turned off because there is a chain linc fence. So for the time being a dog kennel will have to do. I guess I don't really want to pay for the fence, I plan to get a estimate on what having a pro install what I had in mind done. Then maybe BF can apply what he is saving in rent by living with me to the cost of having the fence either installed by the pros or towards the materials that I approve. I saw some at the hardware store but I was not at all impressed. I would prefer the pro install.

After seeing the dog kennel on the one website, I desided to check if there where any new listing for kennels on our local free online website. The last time no luck but last night there was one that was listed on the 16th.

Menards had a deluxe model (5 x 10) for $350 and a basic chain linc the same size for $290. The ad did not have a picture BUT I think it is the deluxe model anyway they want $250 or best offer, because they said they paid $350 plus at Menards for it which leads me to believe it is the deluxe one. BF called them last night and left a message. He will call again today. Hopefully they still have it. It would be nice for him to get a deal on it, also the hardware store said it would take one week for it to get to the store.

Well Last night after I showed BF the web ad, he got a text from his mother to call his tonight. Seems BF's parents are coming to visit, they will be bringing the rest of BF's things and his dog. We found out last night that they will be here either this weekend or next weekend. So need to either get the online one or order the one from the hardware store asap. The good news is because they are doing the trip it is only going to cost BF gas money so instead of having to pay for a uhaul and time off work ($2000 approx) he is figuring about $600 in gas.

Now I just have to not let the housing agreement with BF bug me, I don't want it to ruin our relationship so not sure what to do.

4 Responses to “Financial talk with BF, Housing plan talk with EX, and Doggy update.”

  1. North Georgia Gal Says:

    If you bottle this up and don't tell BF it will ruin your relationship. You should be able to talk to him if you are planning a long term relationship.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    I agree with NGG, you need to be able to communicate your wants needs in the relationship. Don't be afraid to communicate, because you are afraid of what the result will be. I'd revisit the whole plan before your BF's parents arrive with his stuff and dog, since it seems a bit like you are on different pages.

  3. MonkeyMama Says:

    Agreed. The beginning will set the tone for the rest of your relationship.

    I am not saying it can't work, whatsoever. But you can't be surprised if the relationship doesn't go where you want it to go, for the long run. If you don't speak up.

    I think the fact that he wants to stay rent-free is a red flag. That said, maybe not so much if you talk it through. I think it's fair to ask to only pay utilities while he is house-sitting and watching your child. That said, seems to me he has a lot of excuses not to pay rent. Red Flag!

  4. LittleMsMom Says:

    I had the talk with him Monday, because of the unclear nature of his rental agreement.

    I did not want him to feel trapped, so I got the talk out of the way BEFORE he fought to terminate his lease.

    According to a copy of what he signed when he rented his appartment he just needed to give 30 days notice so to end on the 1st of the month, it had N/A in the lease termination fee block and the place where it stated if it was a term or monthly lease it was left blank. So even though it said through 30 July 2011, he should be able to break the lease with just 30 days notice, the fact they are not trying to rerent the apartment is there problem not his.

    I figured since they are going him a hard time about the lease if he did not like my needs then he could still move back into his apartment, and forget the whole deal.

    Tonight I will ask him IF his offer of just utilities is just until everything is a done deal with the lease thing or until he has an emergency fund or what. I kind of got the feeling he just did not want to commit to anything until he knew whether he was going to have to go to court about the lease break and with him being a tech and the Govt spending lock on March 4th, unless laws are signed.

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