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Numb and sick to stomich but not really SAD! (not $ related)

September 9th, 2010 at 07:48 am

So Yesterday I worked out, so proud of myself because I cut nearly 5 minutes off my five 5K time. I ran it in 31:27 since it is 3.1 miles that turns to a little over 10 minutes a mile which I think is super. I picked up my son from after school daycare.

We get home and there is 3 messages on the phone. I think the first one was old, the second was a hang up and then the third was a minute later and a message from a cop in the next town over with his name and number and a request for me to call him.

So I call him back, and he tells me that my mother has died. He tells me that my brother (half brother really) might be calling me. I think my brother found out today also. I forgot to ask when she died.

It was not really a shock because of the paperwork I signed like 40 days before, my mother was the non-custodial parent and she chose not to have a relationship with my older brother and I. She tends to get in touch with me every 5 or so years the last time I talked with her prior to her contacting me about two months ago was 7 years ago when I happened to come across her telephone number at work and I called her.

Well she only gets in touch with me when she wants something, two months ago she contacted me because she wanted me to sign some medical/legal documents (I guess it was up to me because I was the only child of hers in the state). Anyway she wanted me to sign paperwork so she could donate her body to science upon her death, to which I asked if she was terminal or something and she said no (just making sure everything was taking care of). I had gotten divorced two months prior and knew I needed to update my will and I figured maybe a close friend or family member had died and she was just motivated to ensure everything was done, usually stuff like that causes you to take action to ensure your affairs are in order.

So now I am a little numb, A coworker is calling me a "mumblefish" today as I normally am a loud and clear person, but today I just feel out of it and am having a hard time concentrating. I am maybe a little sad but not ball your eyes out sad. I talked with my half brother for only like 45 seconds last night, he was ball your eyes out sad.

I have realized I am the sad that you feel when you hear a friend lost a family member, you are sad for them but it is not the same as a if it was someone you knew personnally. I think I am more saddened by the fact that I am not more upset about it and just NUMB. But that is it in a nut shell, I never really got to know her, I saw her maybe 1 weekend a month every other month for a 4 year period (age 7-11), so she is more like a obscure relative than a mother.

9 Responses to “Numb and sick to stomich but not really SAD! (not $ related)”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Whatever you feel is right for you and it may change and that is okay, too. ((Hugs))

  2. Thrifty Ray Says:

    creditcardfree said it well. Allow yourself to feel whats right for you. {{hugs}}

  3. MonkeyMama Says:

    ((HUGS)) I totally understand what you are feeling.

  4. momcents Says:


    I am sorry. Be kind to yourself and do what is right for you.

  5. dmontngrey Says:

    I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through. Take care of YOU and allow yourself to work through this in whatever manner you may need. There's no right or wrong way to react to death. {{hugs}}

  6. Looking Forward Says:

    My condolences. Everyone above has said it well - Take care of yourself and there is no right/wrong way to feel. [[Hugs]]

  7. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    {{{hugs}}}

  8. retire@50 Says:

    I felt the same way when my father died a couple years ago. Like you I rarely heard from him, maybe once a year he would call. He left when I was 6, so I didn't have any kind of family relationship with him other than biological. However he was someone I knew and it was sad to hear he had died. It will take a little time to adjust but don't worry about not feeling worse, it's natural to not feel as much when it is not someone who you really know and care about, and it's not your fault you didn't have a closer relationship. It takes two people to form a close bond.

  9. HouseHopeful Says:

    I'm sorry for your loss. Although you haven't had a close relationship, your feelings on the situation are normal. Take care of yourself.

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