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Mostly Personal - Breakup Soon???

July 22nd, 2010 at 11:31 am

Not sure why only the first paragraph is posting so here goes....3rd times the charm right...

Thinking I will be boyfriend less soon. I feel bad because right now I am still getting the mess that was my relationship with my XH cleaned up and so I find I talk about my XH or will bring him up when I am talking about a situation at hand because that is the whole story to my New BF without realizing it. (this is my bad habit and I realize it).

BUT The main reason I think we will not be dating soon is that I work 8am-430pm so I have to be up at 630am to get ready, Feed and cloth DS, drop off DS at daycare and drive. This means I need to be in bed by 10pmish. I work Mon-Fri.

He works 12:30pm until 9:30pm. He works 7 days then gets 4 days off then works 7 days than gets 3 days off then works 7 gets 4 works 7 gets 3 (get the picture). He wakes up at like 10am and goes to bed at 2am, this sleep schedule sticks even when it is his days off.

So on the days he works we will not see each other UNLESS I am willing to push back my bedtime. Now with My son being home the Nightly walks are going to be ending. I like to try to get together when he has his days off (either after I am done with work or if it is a weekend basically spend the day together) BUT I have found that he like to RELAX on his days off. Which means he cleans his apartment (super neat/clean) and spends a lot of time watching TV or going to the YMCA.

He has super Cable TV so this seems really lazy to me since I have NO TV reception at my house. If I try to spend time more time with him than his magic limit, he will get a little irratated because he wants to relax on his days off. But I know that if you just let time pass you dont get it back.

I also have a house and child to take care of so I am busy and so I like to plan my time if at all possible.

Today He had the day off and so I asked him to come see me. Twice I got shot down, and he told me "I needed to chill" well that hurt my feelings. I dont get it because he was the one that ASKED ME out. Oh well....I am going to focus on myself and my son now and I will let him call me/ text me, when He wants to see me but I am going "to chill" and let him figure out and tell me what he wants from a relationship.

The good news is normally I shell out a ton of money when I am dating someone. The last guy I dated before My XH had a daughter and I loved to buy her things she needed plus he lived out of town so gas money etc. At least with my current boyfriend he paid all the time...He got uppity if I tried to pay so I learned to just enjoy it. He even bought me roses (MY FAV FLOWER) and had them delivered to me at work. So no regrets on a finacial front. I just wish I did not feel bad because I wanted to see someone I was dating. I feel like he was seeing me as clingy or needy but I suppose it was a bit much because I was trying to get as much us time together before I had to figure out daycare plans if we we going to spend time together without DS along.

6 Responses to “Mostly Personal - Breakup Soon???”

  1. NJDebbie Says:

    I totally get your reasoning for feeling the way you do. I think you are on the right track wanting to focus on your child and yourself. It cannot be easy for you after a divorce. Something stroke me as odd that he got annoyed when you asked hime to come see you. Usually when you are dating someone and you're really into that person, one can't wait to spend time with that person. Honestly, that's a red flag. Anyway I hope you follow your instincts and take care of yourself and your precious little boy.

  2. rob62521 Says:

    I totally understand your reasoning as well, and to be blunt, this person you are dating seems awfully self centered.

  3. north georgia gal Says:

    I agree with both of the responses. He seems like someone who doesn't want anything more than a casual relationship, based on what you wrote. If he gets annoyed when you spend too much time together on his days off, than he isn't looking for a long term committment. What would happen if you moved in together...would he then get annoyed because you were there every day?

  4. Analise Says:

    Sometimes it's best not to fall into a new relationship so soon after a divorce. It's very easy for history to repeat itself and you need time alone to heal and regroup. Sorry, but IMHO this new guy has issues.

  5. ThriftoRama Says:

    I totally get it. You can't just "relax" or be go with the flow once you have kids. I used to be the most spontaneous, go with the flow person. Then I had kids, and my whole life has to be mapped out in advance for weeks at a time. He might not get it.

  6. LittleMsMom Says:

    Thanks for all the replys:
    The guy I am currently dating, yep in my head I have just went from relationship to dating, well his last long term relationship was about 2 years ago. I am sure he needs time to get back into sharing his non-working time.

    But I have a child and I need someone who is going to work around my schedule. That might seem self-centered but after being in a relationship for 8 years where there needs were always first I need someone who is willing to let me be on autopilot for a while. That or I need to be single.

    After the counseling session with my XH I realized that I probubly need to get into a support group for new divorced people and or single parents. I need to be able to vent about issues.


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