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Home > Counseling with the XH and My Little Boy coming home today!

Counseling with the XH and My Little Boy coming home today!

July 22nd, 2010 at 06:49 am

Not sure if I wrote about the counseling.

My XH is very self centered. He thought the 8 years we were married were the BEST years of his life and is totally confused as to why I was not blissfully happy also. Yet in the same sentence he says it makes him sad being around me after the divorce was final, because now that we are divorced I am so happy it is like I have a huge weight off my shoulders and the sparkle is back in my eyes.

Really????? (Shaking my head)

He said he wanted to talk about why I wanted a divorce, and basically I asked him why? Why if you were so happy do you want me telling you why I was unhappy? Anyway I said that basically if he was going to move out of state for 2 years to go to school without even discussing it with me; leaving me to care for our son and the house etc that we were basically seperated/divorce but without the paperwork to make it legal.

That was not good enough so I told him I would talk about it but it had to be in a counseling type setting. His answer was "I cant afford counseling" to which of course as always I pointed out two FREE options to him. I told him he would have to make all the arrangements.

See with my XH he tend to put stuff off or only finish half. I figured IF he really wanted this to happen then he would follow through OR I would not have to do it. He followed through Darn it!!

My XH has PTSD, ADHD, and Rage Issues so I was not going to discuss this outside a setting where if he needed HELP after the discussion he could get it. I really dont see the point in crushing the rosey picture of the marriage he thought we had but I guess if that is what he wants then so be it. I am going to make sure I start with that, going to tell the counseler that and see if she can convince him he does not want to hear about 8 years of bad stuff.

The appointment to see the Counseler is at 4pm this afternoon. MY XH will be dropping off DS with my Grandmother and my aunt for a few hours during the appointment. My Son has been spending 3 weeks with my XH so Grandma of course is excited to see him. Of course Grandma and aunty just know XH has somewhere to be at 4pm. Wondering IF XH told DS where he was going. DS was the one that spilled the beans that his mommy and daddy had broke up.

On the Positive side, My Little Boy is coming home today. After the appointment I get to pick him up from my grandmothers house and get caught up on all the hugs and kisses I missed while he was gone.

Now that my little boy is back home I need to call my daycare provider. He needs to start daycare this Tuesday at $130 per week. Oh well I lucked out and will only have to pay for 4 - 5 weeks of daycare this summer instead of the whole summer so that is good. I am slowly trying to budget in the cost of summer daycare spread over the whole year BUT since I only had like a month lead time I am just going to have to eat ALL the summer daycare costs out of current income.

Stepped on the scale this morning 166.8 pounds. Yep does not seem to have gone down much, but people are commenting on my weight loss and My clothes are fitting looser.

After I posted this my XH called to find out if he could stay a little later this weekend. (He was going to leave Sunday) but now wants to stay at my house 2 extra days cause a buddy is going to go back with him. Then like 5 days later (3 days earlier than planned) he was going to come back to return friend. So he wants to stay with me instead of heading back just to turn around and drive back.

I have agreed to this...At first I was not really wanted to do this. My XH stresses me out and so I really dont want him around, #2 I am seeing someone and he really wants me to stop helping my XH and working on the things I need to do for myself.

BUT then I got to thinking and about the # of days that would be. Between my XH being here (If he stays I will require that he watch DS during my work hours in return), and the days I took off because my brother will be in town This would really reduce my daycare.

I figure if I took an additional 8 days off, all I would need is 3 days of daycare which I could have my grandmother FREE or my Cousin CHEAP do. This would mean a cost of $54 instead of $540-$675.

So I am now looking forward to it, this will really help my budget. I looked at my checking account today and it was the lowest I have seen it in YEARS! plus I have a HUGE Credit Card bill because to be on the safe side I have switched to CC only use until the retirement % changes in my paycheck.

4 Responses to “Counseling with the XH and My Little Boy coming home today!”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Enjoy your reunion with your son. I think you are handling the counseling the right way. I hope it goes well.

  2. Analise Says:

    You are wise to insist on discussing sensitive issues in the presence of a counselor. Don't waver.

  3. north georgia gal Says:

    The more I thought about your post, the more it seems that maybe your XH is still trying to control you. By going to counseling you are allowing him to exercise just a bit of control over you. It would probably be wise to just cut all communication that doesn't have to do with your son. I mean, what is the point of discussing what is wrong, if he didn't get it when you were married, he sure isn't going to get it now.

  4. LittleMsMom Says:

    Yeah, The counseling was suppose to be "Closer" for him but once we got there the truth came out that he "misses his former life and misses being a family".

    He was not happy with the counseler because the counseler kept making suggestions to him about how and what he could do to move on and be a better person for someone else. Such as anti-depressents and visiting with a counseler.

    Yep Counseler was not blind and saw XH had his free ride for 8 years and I have moved on and am not looking to shoulder XH burdens anymore.

    My only thing is I realize that when it comes to my XH being around him causes my mental discomfort. My brain tends to go into overdrive and I start multitask thinking instead of just relaxing and being calm. I will put up with this mental discomfort for another 16 days so I can save the $540-$600 daycare but I am ready to be free of his stress and the stress he causes me.

    He is a very negative person and that weighs me down.

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